Thousands of New Zealanders wake up every single day and go to work putting on a brave face and battling the day ahead. They are doing their best to not let anyone know that they are suffering from anxiety, and doing their best just to keep it together.
For the people who are suffering every day, even though from the outside it may not look like much is going on, on the inside it can be all consuming. Often clients tell me they put on a brave face to get by each day, doing their best to ignore the anxiety and simply hoping that one day, it will just go away. But for so many people, over time, it gets worse and worse. This is a common story that I frequently hear from my clients..
Whether the anxiety is a constant worry about what could go wrong, or what would happen if you don’t do a good enough job, or perhaps it's an uncomfortable physical symptom, or a sensation of unease, maybe sweating or blushing. Maybe the anxiety is a constant feeling or it comes out of the blue like a panic attack or perhaps it is a social anxiety, like when someone comes up to talk to you - maybe your boss or colleague - and it triggers this undesirable response. For so many people this can get so bad that they won't even go out and interact socially because they're scared of the anxiety.
Some people just accept the anxiety and put up with it, but then all of a sudden they have a panic attack or their heart starts racing. For example, if their boss asks them to do a speech or talk in front of a group of people which triggers a very uncomfortable experience and this can start an avalanche of feelings and intensify what was always there.
I have been told so many times that someone’s’ anxiety is a large contributing factor keeping them stuck and not being able to progress in their careers. And it can and often does take away their ability to be as productive as they would like; often affecting people's self-worth and self-esteem. Obviously people notice that their quality of life and work enjoyment will be much lower than what they want. And while this is going on the person generally is concerned that other people will know that they have anxiety. Believe it or not this is really common.
You may be suffering from anxiety yourself and realise that you need help but are too scared to speak to your boss or HR manager. Perhaps you worry how they will treat or think about you differently if they know that you have anxiety. One of the reasons this concern is so common is because of how most people think anxiety is a mental illness. However at Inspiring Wellness we see anxiety with a different lens, we see anxiety as it really is - which is a ‘nervous system phenomenon’.
As my clients begin to work through their anxiety and resolve it, they learn to see anxiety as a nervous system that is just being in the fight or flight mode, from an accumulation of stressors and traumas experienced over time. We teach them new strategies for dealing with this and life becomes so much better.
Some companies, especially the ones that really value their staff, will often help out. Whether that is giving you some flexibility with time off, so you can have some sessions for help, or, what I have come across several times, is wellness conscious employers who will actually pay for staff to have sessions and get well. Some of them may even subsidise their staff or pay for the first few sessions. They do this mainly because they know that when the workers are happier and healthier they will enjoy their job more, increase productivity and take less sick days off. They also know the cost of too much stress and anxiety and how this can negatively affect the whole work culture. They may, indeed, have experienced anxiety themselves.
To me the most important thing, if you are someone who is suffering from anxiety is to please make sure you are aware that there are things that you can do to help yourself. You can learn to resolve it. You may have heard the myth that everyone has some anxiety and you just have to learn to live with it - but this is simply not true.
I work with hundreds of people every year with all types of anxiety and they learn to resolve it. So I believe if you have anxiety the real question is… are you willing to do whatever it takes to get well? If you want to resolve your anxiety, if you want to do it without taking toxic medication, if you want to do it without having to talk with a therapist or psychologist, if you are open minded and want to get results, then I would be happy to help you transform your life.
As long as you can make it into the Auckland CBD where my clinic is and you have a willingness to resolve your anxiety I can help you transform your life.
If you are interested then read some of our testimonials, or perhaps buy my book on helping people with anxiety, and, most importantly when you are ready book yourself in for a visit or a free 20min consult. To learn more about our process and how we can help you resolve your anxiety.
I am the owner of Inspiring Wellness, a wellness and personal transformation clinic in Auckland CBD and the Author of "Wellness Words, how to think speak and feel great" and "How to Break free from Anxiety". I love helping my clients take back their lives and regain their health and get a whole new higher quality of life. If you are curious if we can help you, please contact us. We are here to help you.
I want to share with you some of the common elements, traits or behaviours with both the people who sabotage themselves and the others who become successful. This will hopefully help you to avoid the common traps which set people up to fail. This is so important because when people unconsciously set themselves up to fail, especially when this is repeated over and over again, this begins to have a very negative impact on someone's self-esteem and confidence. In turn this can, and often does, manifest in physical/emotional and mental symptoms of pain.
I will use examples of Anxiety and Depression as these are common manifestations and in my wellness clinic, “Inspiring Wellness”, I help people break out of these destructive patterns. However, please keep in mind that these concepts will be helpful across the board.
The need for this article became obvious to me when I was seeing how hidden self-sabotage is, and if not addressed, causes massive problems, just like never attending to the weeds in your garden. If left for too long they can take over and destroy what was once a beautiful setting.
Let's say someone is coming in to help with their social anxiety, because it has reached a stage where they realise that if they keep it up, it is going to ruin their life. On their first visit, clients would often tell me that they were 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to get well! So I believe them and assume that they may have had the best of intentions. But quite quickly or as soon as some small challenge comes up, this becomes a hurdle. A hurdle that is just too big for them to overcome and, all too often, their 100% commitment turns into, “I will do whatever it takes as long as IT is very easy!”
A great example is when helping people with long standing Anxiety. Let’s say it has been in their life for several years and they decide they want it gone, so they seek me out. Perhaps a friend referred them, and they discover they need to come in for regular sessions weekly and the process will take several months, i.e. it is not a quick fix. At that point they have to work out finances (how they can afford it, if it is worth it to them) and timing (can they get the time off to get into the clinic); these are the two biggest challenges/hurdles for most people.
Now these ‘challenges’ are often excuses. The reason I say that is because I have helped people who were so committed that even if they were financially challenged and/or lived far away, they still managed to come in and overcome these hurdles. The clients who are temporarily financially challenged ask to pay over an extended period of time so they can start, so they manage to overcome that problem. I also have people who drive from Hamilton for a weekly session and yet people in the same building as me have said they don’t have the time......This is really just an excuse.
And here comes the damaging part - they choose to give away all their power to this ‘problem’ and accept it as fate before even trying to find a solution, before even attempting, or really looking to be creative.
So, as you can see, it's not about them not wanting to get well nor not starting to care about themselves, as much as they get stuck within their situation. It's like they can’t see out of their problem. They can't see out of their limited mind-set. And for some, they use the excuse because it’s safe. Safe to stay stuck. As the saying goes, "The devil you know…"
I believe having a strong willpower is one of the qualities that I see consistently with my clients who make amazing breakthroughs. I think we all have the ability to turn our ‘willpower’ up if we know how, or have a big enough reason to do this. On that note, I think so many of my clients who live with the pain of their anxiety or depression every day for years, and yet find the strength to keep on going, are very strong for what they put up with. Living this way can be so hard and take so much effort that in itself, it takes a lot of willpower.
Often the way people turn a small problem into a big block that seems bigger than themselves and they get/remain stuck is because, on some level, they are actually looking for an excuse or justification to remain stuck.
Now why on earth would anyone want to stay stuck living with anxiety or depression?
Well, there are a few reasons; one is that our sense of self has a strong need for consistency. Meaning the way we see ourselves needs to be the same from day to day. If you see yourself as a depressed person or an anxious person, then sadly it becomes that much harder to shift it. Actually, this is a very important part of the process when I work with people. If they see themselves as an ‘anxious person’, I help people create a new more evolved sense of self that is healthier.
Another reason why someone may “choose” to stay stuck is that they are scared of failing. Sometimes because people are so worried things might not work out for them, they don’t even try. This is actually quite common - the fear of failing, for some people is very crippling.
If you are finding reasons why you can’t make change, or find yourself using justifications of why things are the way that they are, please STOP. It is so destructive to your quality of life. You have to uncover why you are doing it first, and then stop it - the sooner the better.
For some people, the reason they sabotage their success is because so far nothing has worked before. Perhaps they try meds, counseling or breathing techniques or whatever and nothing works. They then begin to develop a belief system that they will ‘just have to learn to live with it’. This is such a destructive thought and I have seen this belief cause a lot of people so much pain. Yet, it is not true. I have helped people who have been told by experts that they have to learn to live with it, some have done so for 30 years. However, when they begin working with me...it's gone! Be wise and conscious of what beliefs you have about who you are and what you are capable of doing/achieving/changing.
Quite often the saboteur will find that they are skeptical or very wary. I actually have no problem when potential clients talk to me and are skeptical. Why would they not be? They have been promised so much and had little success. Naturally, they think it will be the same with me. The ones who stick around find out that this is far from true. The function of being skeptical is to keep yourself safe, but often safe means doing what we have always done, or thinking what we always thought. As a result, we can’t make progress. This is so damaging if we are living in pain, because when in pain, your body is screaming for you to grow and do something different.
Another common reason for sabotage is the person may be playing out ‘victim’ mode. When someone is in victim mode, they need life to not work often because other people are the reason, hence why they look for reasons to be stuck.
Please keep in mind that this is by no means an exhaustive list but some of the common themes.
I could go on with many more attributes and in far more detail - but I think the most important thing is to simply recognise if you are sabotaging your success in life. If so, hopefully this might inspire you to make some kind of change and resolve to regain power over your life.
Now I want to shift our focus onto the people who, rather than sabotaging their progress in life, find a way to become successful and achieve the results they want. Just before I continue, I want to reaffirm that even if you have a long history of sabotaging yourself, it is possible to break these patterns! For that is all they are, behavioural and perceptual patterns. A key element is gaining an awareness, and reading this may have already done this for you, or at least started the process.
And lastly before we move on, often for some people self-sabotage in life is ACTUALLY a major cause of so much stress and pain that it will lead to depression or anxiety. So, if self-sabotage is present in your life it definitely needs to be addressed, especially if you also suffer from anxiety and/or depression.
What are some of the qualities that make someone more likely to get amazing results? I am going to list some of the common ones:
Now before you look at this list and say something like, "how many people are really like that?", I want to tell you that these qualities lie in all of us. Only for many people these qualities lie dormant. After working with me and learning ‘how to’ bring these qualities to life, their life transforms.
It does not matter at this stage if you are someone who sabotages yourself, it only matters what you decide to do with this knowledge. If you choose to work on yourself, and overcome these qualities, a whole new world will open to you. It will be one of the quickest ways you can improve your quality of life and at the end of the day, isn’t it exactly that which we are seeking?
If you would like to seek help at our clinic, contact us. We are happy to help with learning how to overcome self-sabotage, or anxiety and depression. Please ask for a free 20 minute consultation, so you can come and meet me. Together, we can discuss how our approach can help you.
I am the owner of Inspiring Wellness, a wellness and personal transformation clinic in Auckland CBD and the Author of "Wellness Words, how to think speak and feel great" and "How to Break free from Anxiety". I love helping my clients take back their lives and regain their health and get a whole new higher quality of life. If you are curious if we can help you, please contact us. We are here to help you.
Firstly I want to say being a little bit skeptical can be a healthy quality. Skepticism is not good or bad in itself, it only becomes destructive when it’s always ‘on’ and therefore someone has an inability to have an open mind for change, especially when change is exactly what they need. Why do so many Dr’s, healers, psychologists, body workers, breathing clinics and therapists fail to treat anxiety effectively?
{Please keep in mind that this commentary is coming from my clinical experience, working in private practice. The clients who come to see me have almost always tried multiple things first and none have worked. So from my perspective, it is hard for me to see them as being effective. I am sure they all get some great results, it’s just I have never come across it. Often at best my clients found it helpful at managing the anxiety but not resolving it.}
The are a few reasons why so many people get such miserable results when they try to treat anxiety. But before I can explain why and share with you how we are different I need to explain how I see anxiety.
The experience of anxiety is the body being in the fight or flight or survival mode. When we are in survival mode we are operating from a different part of the brain and this creates sensations which we label as anxiety.
The metaphor that I like the most is that of a glass. It has a certain capacity to store water in the same way we have a capacity to store stress in our bodies. If we pour too much water in the glass it overflows. Stress is what fills the glass. If we, in our own lives get to the overflow point from too many (or too high intensity of) life traumas and stresses symptoms of anxiety begin to manifest. Now this experience for many can feel like it comes out of nowhere, it may seem random and often we are unconscious if there are any triggers (I would say that there almost always are triggers). Also the first experience of anxiety for so many people can be so scary if it manifests as a panic attack (this is not the case for everyone with anxiety) that we then begin to fear having another panic attack and now our thoughts of having another panic attack is actually creating more stress and so more drips are filling the glass. This creates more overflow and the cycle is now set in motion. When the glass is overflowing our fight or flight reaction is stuck on!
Even though most people walk in to my practice with a healthy amount of skepticism, they walk out with a sense of hope because they are able to finally see how they can make change effectively and break free from anxiety. Lots of people think they have to live with anxiety — this is simply not true! Email me and I look forward to meeting you.
If your reading this, living in Auckland, New Zealand and you are ready to make a change and resolve your anxiety I would love you to get in touch. Simply click here to contact us to make an appointment so we can sit down and discuss how I can help you finally be free from anxiety.
I am the owner of Inspiring Wellness, a wellness and personal transformation clinic in Auckland CBD and the Author of "Wellness Words, how to think speak and feel great" and "How to Break free from Anxiety". I love helping my clients take back their lives and regain their health and get a whole new higher quality of life. If you are curious if we can help you, please contact us. We are here to help you.
If so, please be careful whenever you do, if you say "I am Anxious” or "I am an anxious person" it will cause you a lot of pain and cause you to stay stuck feeling anxious!
Can you be an anxious person? Or are you just a person who is experiencing anxiety? Or are you just anxious in your feelings, your reactions, your thoughts, and your states?
Because we are far more than what we are currently feeling. But when we describe ourselves as being anxious we are actually creating a bigger challenge than we may realise at the time.
I notice that when clients come to me for help with anxiety, they come in from very different starting points, with the severity of their anxiety being the main difference. Some people have occasional attacks and some people have lived a life full of anxiety where it becomes the main director of their life. I have noticed that when anxiety becomes linked to their identity – how they see themselves in the world – it changes from being something that happens that they are scared of to something that they have to learn to live with. It also sets up the cycle for anxiety to repeat itself and therefore remains on-going into their future, and so many people have it move from an experience to a way of life.
Anxiety becoming part of peoples’ identity is very common and I believe this is because the nature of an anxiety attack can be very scary and frightening. Having anxiety takes up a lot of ‘thinking space’, and because we don’t want the experience to happen, we sometimes fight it and so it persists. Most people with anxiety that I have as clients have tried a few things as treatments like, drugs, therapy or breathing techniques, and received very little long term results. Because they received no relief they make the deduction in their thinking that they will just need to learn to live with anxiety for the rest of their life. Sadly this is not true and a very disempowering belief.
Linking anxiety to your identify is an unconscious process, but it is important to think about because when you see yourself as being an anxious person you can become stuck with it, recreating it for many many years.
If you want to live your life free from anxiety, then you have to move anxiety into your past and have it become something that you ONCE HAD. So stop seeing at as a part of who you are.
I am happy to help you discover how you can live anxiety free. The way I work with clients is far more than just a thinking or cognitive process. In fact it is largely an embodied experience of finding safety and peace within, by shifting the ‘tone’ of the nervous system so you can live life from a place of ease. If you're interested in having me help you then I would like to invite you for a free 20 minute consultation. Click here to arrange a time or get in touch on [email protected] to get started straight away.
I am the owner of Inspiring Wellness, a wellness and personal transformation clinic in Auckland CBD and the Author of "Wellness Words, how to think speak and feel great" and "How to Break free from Anxiety". I love helping my clients take back their lives and regain their health and get a whole new higher quality of life. If you are curious if we can help you, please contact us. We are here to help you.
We seem to know that the body and mind affect one another. We hear gym slogans like “free the body and the mind will follow”, but we are often not quite sure how our thinking is affecting us. And to be honest, most people are too busy with current day to day stresses, living quite myopically just coping day to day, to give any attention to what their thinking is doing. Yet, the thinking patterns that we have, shape our reality. So often, the situations we find ourselves in, stems from our thinking.
If you dwell enough on certain thoughts that trigger anxiety, like feelings and states, then very soon you feel the effects in your day to day experience. It won't feel nice and you will want to remove it from your life. You will want it gone. You might feel like you are broken – you're not! But still you will want it gone. And so you seek help that is when it is bad enough. Because when it's bad enough, you will be motivated to take action. For some people it needs to be an intense experience and for others they need to suffer for a long period of time before they seek help. I have had clients who come to me who have been putting up with anxiety for 10-30+ years - just living with it. I have also had clients who come almost immediately after their first attack and seek help.
Nothing will change in life until you become motivated to take action. I help my clients become aware of the triggers of anxiety. What a lot of people don't realise is that their thoughts are often unconsciously triggering responses in the body, and these are frequently triggered by life’s situations. But we don’t just focus on the thinking. In fact, this is only a tiny part of how I get great results with working with clients. Our focus is working with the body to make change, because people often don’t realize that the body (due to how it holds tension from life’s stresses and traumas) holds us into states, which trigger thinking. These feedback into more states that trigger anxiety - and so the loop continues. BUT by becoming aware of the body and how you are playing out this process you become empowered to change it. Now you become and live in control.
So how do we do this? The answer is rather long and complicated, but, in a nut shell, we work with the nervous system to help the body increase its awareness and create new patterns of behaviour by using a combination of Network Spinal Analysis and Somato Respiratory Integration, through a Reorganizational Healing Framework.
How long does it take?
I can’t tell you without first seeing you and working on you, because everyone is unique. Some people have had chronic anxiety that’s crippling, while other people have a very mild form that’s less embedded in the body, nervous system and thinking. Some people are quicker learners and more adaptable, we are all unique. Because this is such a hard question to answer we offer people a free 20 minute consultation. From this I will get a better idea of what the process will be, as it ranges from several visits to several months (for more severe cases).
What you may find comforting is that all clients find they start to get results almost immediately. From their very first session they notice a shift. And then each session builds on the previous.
Studies show that people who take action straight away are far more likely to get the results they want in life. Often, when you put things off until later, you just build a long list of stuff that needs to happen and keep adding to this. You end up with a big pile of 'shoulds'. This situation often creates a tension in our thinking and, ironically, for many people, this is one of the very things that causes anxiety that needs to be worked on.
Let me finish with one of my favourite quotes.
“Opportunities multiply as they are seized” Sun Tzu
If you would like a free consult call me or email me today.
I am the owner of Inspiring Wellness, a wellness and personal transformation clinic in Auckland CBD and the Author of "Wellness Words, how to think speak and feel great" and "How to Break free from Anxiety". I love helping my clients take back their lives and regain their health and get a whole new higher quality of life. If you are curious if we can help you, please contact us. We are here to help you.
Why I Love to Help People
with Anxiety
I work with so many people of different stages of life, ages, cultures etc. and they come in to see me with such a range of conditions. They all come from a result of too much stress in their life affecting the body and mind and this stress is manifested in many different ways. Anxiety is one of them.
If I can help someone I am happy to, and one thing that I find truly rewarding, time and time again, is helping people with anxiety. On reflection, I realised that the person who is suffering from anxiety has a few traits in common. Of course, not always, but this seems to be the case in the large majority of my clients.
I have noticed that people with anxiety are ambitious within themselves. They really want answers, they want a solution! This makes my work a pleasure because this is an exact match – to create a resolution. The stronger the will someone has to get well, to be better - the better the results. If you really want to make a change and transform your life, you will. If it is just something that you want a little bit, not much will change. People with anxiety – are aware it can be so destructive to life that it really motivates someone to want to change, and the quicker the better.
They accept that they don’t know all the answers and are happy to learn and explore new ideas and strategies.
I have also noticed that many people are still stuck in the blame game of justification. People with anxiety seem to take responsibility for their own thinking, for their life, know that they can change and really want to do something about it. They are not blaming others they are seeking help. But, ironically, here comes the problem – they go and seek help.
Often someone will go to their doctor, healer, psychologist and they will try to ‘fix’ them – but if they get prescribed drugs, at best, this just masks the problem. Not helping them resolve anything at a core level. If they just address the mind they are missing the most important element and so often results are far from satisfactory. Often my clients, so willing to resolve the anxiety, will still continue to look elsewhere determined to beat this condition knowing that deep down it’s possible. That’s why they are so pleased to meet me. And when they get such great results, not only do they live life anxiety free but all that energy that has been consumed in managing it, or keeping it at bay, also becomes available. So they have more energy to really enjoy life with.
Sometimes sadly – people believe they need to live with it. I have had a few clients tell me that they have been told by some expert that they will have it for the rest of their lives and they have to learn to be like this. I know this is not true because of the transformations I have seen in my clinic – people who have had anxiety for decades learnt to resolve it – and then they live a life free of it. I have seen this so many times. I love the fact that our brains have the ability to change, to grow and evolve and as we do our lives get better. If you have been told this limited way of seeing the world, if you have been to a few people in the past and not got the results you want yet – don’t give up. It’s not in your nature. And when you make these breakthroughs, which are what I see every day, I can tell you that they are so empowering your life will get better and better. And you will be super happy – and this makes my job more fun. Simply because I have clients consistently making great progress surrounding me. They are also grateful for the help.
I am the owner of Inspiring Wellness, a wellness and personal transformation clinic in Auckland CBD and the Author of "Wellness Words, how to think speak and feel great" and "How to Break free from Anxiety". I love helping my clients take back their lives and regain their health and get a whole new higher quality of life. If you are curious if we can help you, please contact us. We are here to help you.