by Dovvy Phillips

Where Is Your Inner Supporter??

April 19, 2024 | Depression and Anxiety, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety

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The Inner Critic

We all are familiar with our inner critic. It's that internal voice that we always hear saying negative things. A voice of self sabotage and limitation - and one that likes to play the victim role. Some people have a lot of pain and frustration in their life simply because their inner critic is speaking too often, too loudly.

We all know that we don't want to hear from this inner critic. We also all know that if we focus on what we don't want, it is easy for us to manifest that very thing that we don't want. So let's focus on what we do want.

Turn Your Critic Into An Inner Supporter

Imagine if you had a supporter, a coach, someone who believed in you so much that they remembered every success. Even the small successes they would marvel at, as to them they were big on some level.

If that coach/supporter was always with you, talking to you, encouraging you, reminding you of how well you have done in the past and how well you could do, how well you are doing - if they could remind you that things that were normally seen as 'bad' things were challenges for growth, if he/she were to remind you that you were further on your way and give you a little reminder to let go and great would you feel?

For the next minute or two, close your eyes and hear the quality of the voice of your inner supporter - what words would be used, what quality, pitch, tone, speed, rhythm and so on.. How do you feel as you listen to your inner supporter.

Now think of this inner supporter as a native tree that we want to grow in our garden. At the moment, it is most probably just a seedling. We have to nurture it and the more care we give to it, the stronger it will be. So, how do you nurture it? Daily, spend a minute in the morning just to locate and hear the voice (make it up if you have to kick start it), then spend a few moments several times a day and listen to your supporter. It will start off very mechanical and may even feel forced, it will be very conscious, but soon, the tree will grow strong and have a life of its own (that is, it will be a nonconscious process that will better your life in the most amazing way.)

"A simple and easy way you can respond to criticism that moves you into growth"


How do you respond to criticism? Does it make you feel bad? Do you shy away? Do you dread what people will say or think of you?

We have all had times when we have been criticised. It is a universal hurt. Yet, some people's response to a little criticism is often over exaggerated.

Some people even imagine criticism. They think that what someone is saying is actually an attack on them. They hear "that's a nice shirt" and think "what's wrong with all my other shirts!".

On the other hand, there are people who hear criticism and they enjoy it. They thrive on it because they know it helps them grow. Because they value growth, they will use any tool to help them grow.

If someone was to criticise you, would you think negatively towards that person? Would you judge them and call them names in your head? If you find yourself inclined to do this, then you must understand what you are creating for yourself. None of us want to feel pain, so what we do to stop ourselves from feeling the pain is to make it about someone else. That is, we project our stuff onto them, and make it about them. If you do this, then it is time to stop! Because it is not helping you - in fact, it is doing the opposite.

To start turning criticism from something negative into something productive and useful, let's learn more about why it hurts us. Remember, all our pain in life often comes from not being enough and not being loved. As we grow up, we create a sense of self, a sense of who we are and how we want to be perceived by others. If you think you are really generous and someone criticises you for not donating more money, they call you stingy, then this potentially challenges the way you view yourself.

Let's say someone has a negative image of themselves, or they have a belief that people are always mean to them. This would most probably leave them constantly on guard and ready for the attack, daily. They are living in defence. If I am in defence in the world, then my beliefs will match that.

Shift The Way You View Criticism

A simple way to shift the way you view criticism into something positive is to change the way we see it. This is called re-framing. My suggestion is to...

In your mind's eye, first turn the word ‘criticism’ into the word feedback.

Know that some feedback is going to be more helpful than others.

Now you can learn from everyone!

Always remember that it’s just one person's perspective.It is simply a spring board for growth.

An important note to remember; a lot of the time, people who are harsh with their feedback are angry within themselves and just venting their stuff onto you. They wrap their words in emotion and negative projections. However, you can still learn from them - in fact, you must - as you can learn the most from these people. Remember, criticism is just feedback. It is just a perspective that you can use to grow.

An analogy in a word - manure. Criticism may make you feel like s***, but manure is the best fertiliser for rapid growth.

If you simply ask, "what can I learn from their comments", then you will grow and be happier. Easy!

About the author, Dovvy Phillips


I am the owner of Inspiring Wellness, a wellness and personal transformation clinic in Auckland CBD and the Author of “Wellness Words, How To Think, Speak, And Feel Great” and “How To Break Free From Anxiety”. I love helping my clients take back their lives, regain their health and get a whole new higher quality of life. If you are curious if we can help you, please contact us. We are here to help you.

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